Something About Me

A PART OF J.A.BRO's AUTOBIOGRAPHY: Two unlikely kinds of Christmas stories, an unlikely Easter story and J.A.BRO's "Janus backhead". Christmas Story I: Confession: 1.) Born and raised in a mainly Catholic town with 3 large, beautiful baroque churches, two of them with high towers, I was baptized, confirmated and first time married in church as a Protestant/Lutheran. As a child I liked to go to church but not so much because of the pastor or the sermon but because it was a beautiful baroque church owned by the Catholics and leased from them by the Protestants. Very much I loved to look at the paintings on the walls and the ceilings and tried to understand the themes of them, and was fascinated by the large, colorful glass lead-lights representing the life of JESUS CHRIST. But my favorites of all have been the sweet, fat baroque toddler angels, especially one of them at the bottom of the pulpit with a trumpet. In my imagination I gently took off their wings to better be able to dress them in baby-ware and to bring them to sleep in the warm bedding of my doll pram. During the cold winter months I felt genuinely sorry for them to be naked, cold and stiff in permanently the same frozen positions. At the age of five the Catholic Kindergarten, which I had to attend, was preparing a Christmas Play since they anticipated the visit of the Catholic bishop who was appearing as "FATHER CHRISTMAS" with long, white beard, dressed in his bishops robe and mitre holding his long golden crosier. The Catholic nuns and employees of the Kindergarten had chosen a little girl of their own confession with a round face and short blonde hair as VIRGIN MARY. They practiced with her and the other children for several weeks The Play again and again. As a Protestant, I had been outside the happening as an onlooker of a few times only. But one hour before the arrival of the bishop the little girl didn't want to play the MARY anymore, she was too afraid and always crying. At first the nuns have fed her with chocolates and she then was quiet as long as she was eating. Then she began to cry again, that the rest of the chocolate was running down her chin and stained her white, long nightwear for the play as MARY. Afterwards she was fed again, this time with cookies and good words by the nuns and she kept quiet, as long as she was eating the cookies but without permanent success: Afterwards she began to cry again. At last, the nuns became very angry with her and finally ordered me in an unfriendly manner to be MARY in the Christmas Play without having rehearsed before! To that time I was very skinny and petite but with white-blonde, shoulder-long hair which suited the nuns' imagination of MARY too! Please note: A Lutheran/Protestant 5 year old kid being the VIRGIN MARY in a Christmas play of a Catholic Kindergarten to honor with it the honorable, Catholic bishop. This was, more than fifty years ago, a positive example for the bilaterality of the main Christian confessions in a relatively "working" cooperative even if it was absolutely not quite intended at that day! Being brought on the stage by the nuns, seconds before opening of the curtains, surprisingly, I have had to notice, that the CHRIST CHILD was missing in the manger and frustrated, informed JOSEPH about it. But he didn't want to help me to search for the CHRIST CHILD and told me that I should be quiet because it wouldn't matter since people down the stage couldn't look upstairs into the empty manger anyway. Not satisfied I asked the older "ANGELS" near me for a search but they ignored me and kept staring with dignity into the audience. Then I should rock an imaginary CHRIST CHILD in my arms and I didn't want to do this without having a real baby dolly in my arms, but soon gave up because of whispered, hissing arguments by the other kid-actors.
Afterwards I got tangled in the long garment I had to wear and couldn't handle the long veil I was wrapped in. Always creeping on my skinny knees was uncomfortable too. I remember constantly rearranging my tangled garment during the actual performance and tried to find a better position on my skinny, aching knees.
After the performance the nuns scolded me because of this but the very friendly Catholic bishop took me on his lap and I asked him if his beard and hair was real and tried to lift his long white beard at his left cheek to see how it was fixed on his face. He immediately put me back on my feet but was laughing. Later the Catholic bishop told my mother wordily: "This child (that's me) gave me the most fun of all!" He must have had a great humor without any prejudice. I like this story very much and see many positive things in it but can't help smiling amused each time I remember it. Since then I have never lost my love for FATHER CHRISTMAS and I'm since many years a collector of antique postcards with this Great Guy together with kids.
Christmas Story II: Health:

2.) It seems, that I got the God-given gift, to be a relatively healthy person with unusually high "stand-up" abilities. Likewise my ancestors and relatives which were, and still are mainly good Christians and broadly gifted people, especially in math, physics and arts, I'm grateful that I have not inherited any genetic disease, so my kids. Independent of colds, flus, kidney & gall bladder colics, a few "harmless" heart murmurs, arthritis and one skin graft transplant because of cancer, I am basically a healthy person, physically and mentally. Thankfully I never got any acute, life threatening illness, except for one time. This little dramatic Christmas Story I want to repeat in the own words and descriptions of my mum: "At WW2 your dad was working in a responsible, leading position for several years, far away from the town I have had to live with you kids. But he could manage it each year, for a couple of times, to visit us for a few days. Afterwards he became POW in France, what means, that I have had to be with you kids mainly alone for several years. At the age of 22 months you got a life threatening pneumonia. Sadly, I didn't have enough antibiotics and food for you kids and no material to heat the ice-cold rooms during the winter time. In 4 and ¾ years I have given birth five times to you and your siblings. As an experienced nurse I did know that you were going to die the next 10 or 15 minutes. It was THE 24.12.1944, a date, which I will never forget, and 1 hour before midnight. But there was only one little hope and I knew it: The ice-cold air of the winter time! I wrapped you in warm blankets, took your cradle to the window and opened it, that the snowflakes were flying on your little face. Then I left the room for the rest of the night to go to sleep. You were alone, struggling for your life in the darkness and the ice-cold atmosphere around you. It seems to be cruel to leave a little, deadly-ill child alone, but with these actions I have saved your life and because of being still war time, all rooms in each house of the town had to be kept dark after sunset.
Actually, I still had to care without any help for further 3 small children at the end of WW2 in our totally destroyed country. (Note: To that time my mum was in the 7th month of her pregnancy with my baby brother and my younger sister was only nine months old.) The next morning I looked at you and was surprised that you were still alive. Honestly, I haven't expected it. Your face and hair was fully covered with green mucus and your pillow was also totally soiled with a lot of thrown up and vomited mucus.
Your fight for life must have been extremely hard and dramatically. But you were now sleeping deeply and peacefully and I knew that you would be well again. It was the morning of THE 25.12.1944 and I got new hope again for the future of all of us." And she continued: "The trauma of war affected each of us for a lifetime: When I arrived at the hospital to give birth to your baby brother most of the hospital was bombed to the ground before my eyes. It was just horrible! The taxi driver has then brought me to another hospital, on the end of the town, and after having given birth to your baby brother again a new bombing alarm was given. All doctors, nurses and patients were seeking shelter in the bunker of the hospital, and I was lying alone in my bed with my shortly before born baby. Despite my pains and weakness I felt responsible for the new life and for you other kids and managed to carry me and your baby brother into the bunker too. Over a period of some years you kids never were wearing night clothes at bed time but sport clothes only and could never sleep undisturbed peacefully in your bed because nearly each night I have had to seek, often several times, shelter in the bunker which was outside of the house in a yard, because of the bombing alarms and/or bombings of our town. The last year of war I have had to carry alone each time five little kids, from zero to five years to bring you all safely from the 2nd level of an old, high penthouse through the yard into the bunker. That was an incredible stress for you kids and for me too. Your dad said to me one time, some years after the war, he didn't expect to find all his kids alive and healthy when he came back and that I would have done an exceptionally great job as your mum for several years mainly alone." This was the first time in my life, aged 14, being faced consciously with WW2. I still couldn't understand the serious contents of her report and asked her childishly: "What kind of Christmas gifts have we gotten from you at that time?" She looked at me quiet and still for a while and then said only one word: "LIFE." Subsequently she has given me to read her diaries of the war time and I have read a part of it and throughout her reports of that time, like a red tape, she was complaining about hypocrisy of people, their lack of idealism, civil courage, stand-up abilities and lack of an independent mind. But at this young age (still was playing with dolls) I couldn't or wouldn't be faced with the serious contents of her wartime memories. Afterwards she has used all her diaries and letters to light a fire in our kitchen stove. I can't remember that the subject "history" at school, including the textbooks, have had any information about WW2 in the early fifties, only a few years after the end of it. The experiences of war seemed to make an independent and neutral judgment to that time impossible because millions of people, men, women and kids have found their death in the sheer madness of war. Today, I feel very much sorry for what happened in the past, but can only imagine what my mum and all the other suffering victims of war were going through at that time by hoping so much, that humans become more responsible for each other to avoid in the future the inhuman Holocaust of negative forces.
Destination & Childhood: 3.) My parents called me "Sunshine" because I was always smiling as a baby, toddler & preschool child. If I should believe my mum, I was never crying, even if she has forgotten to care for me, but was always smiling if she was looking after me with a bad conscience. She told me that I was well known in our neighborhood as "The Sunshine" and that some people have taken the longer way to their working place every morning only to see me smiling in my pram, placed on a small public way which was leading through a small public yard behind our home.
They took my smile with them as a positive sign for their beginning working day. To that time, my country of birth was, at WW2, totally destroyed and in ashes.
My daily smiling to these people has given them new hope for their future in a depressing, damaged surrounding. As a toddler and preschool child, I sometimes had strong pain due to illness but always bravely said: "It will be vanishing fast." A beautiful, positive story, indeed, BUT: The screaming of a totally dependent & helpless baby and toddler is its only survival mechanism by being hungry or in any other way uncomfortable. If this important, instinctive survival mechanism is missing, then maybe this fact will force to become, later in community with others, the welcome target/catalyst of aggression/betrayal & injustice of his/her surrounding by being permanently disadvantaged because of lack of self-defense, lack of self-esteem, just a lack of assertiveness. Opposite to me, luckily all my kids have a healthy selfishness and the necessary egoism for survival. Despite these facts, I see myself as a "fighter", but only on the level of my broad artwork businesses. This special kind of "iron self-discipline" isn't transferred by me to other people. That means, that I was very hard to myself, most of my life, to gain the goals I have given to me, because I wanted to be perfect in all things of life I was involved. Sadly these positive facts didn't prevent me to be the target, since I was able to recognize it, of baseless discriminations, often caused by other women. I can't understand this unfair behavior because I haven't seen my whole life women as competitors of mine "on the run for the man", but as friends which should stick together and should help each other! However, the main attacks of the witch-hunt of mine are coming from the right-wing corner (despite never being politically active and existing permanently as a domesticated battery hen only) because I have targeted in few of my artworks, more than 22 years ago, some questionable facts of our society of past and present and I'm using still today the freedom of a "free democratic society system" to articulate freely my personal opinion privately and in my sublimated artwork! FOR A FAIR JUDGING OF ALL OF THE BASELESS BLACKMAILING & DEFAMATION OF MY PERSON I'M FACED WITH SINCE MANY YEARS, I RECOMMEND TO CONTACT ME FIRST AND THEN TO SEARCH OUT THE BACKGROUND OF EACH OF THE QUESTIONABLE DEFAMATORS AND YOU WILL DISCOVER - NOT SURPRISINGLY - THAT THERE IS IN EACH WAY LESS POSITIVISM AND VERY LITTLE THAT CAN REALLY PLEASE. I am a professional studied "DNA Artist", © never "produced", styled & marketed by the international art dealer organizations, raised as the first "after-second-world-war-generation" in a so-told "Free Democratic Society System" where freedom of speech on each level of life and equality for all is guaranteed by law, by avoiding of channeling out of this law disliked people for whatever reason - me included!. I do see myself as a mirror of the society I was born in, as an artistically, intellectually, critically, reflecting and reporting member of it, by being the so-called "third part" in a chain reaction of cause & effect, please see my artwork, Title: "Katharsis 1978", "The Third Cry" & "Allegory of life", "Ode To B. Willikens", etc. That means, as a reflecting but artistically sublimating reporter of our history, I am not the first & responsible part of the relativity of chain reaction by reflecting and reporting only the happenings around us.
The second part is gaming the international media as a reflecting & reporting organ of our past & present. Out of this view, I certainly can't be called a "mad-maker" by mirroring questionable facts only which were caused by their initiators as the first part of cause & effective chain reaction. In view of the law of science of Einstein's Relativity Theory, nobody with education and a common, relatively "normal" level of IQ will deny that not the splashes and circular waves are causing the stone to fall into the water, but the falling stone itself as the initiator (first part) of cause AND effect as second part in the (chain-) reaction! I am not an angel and not without failures, but as a positive, idealistic optimist which tried always to do the right thing in life - (that philosophy has brought me a lot of sacrifices to be done which have lowered under level my life-quality for many years), I certainly do expect, that a politician on the top of a nation and the head of the church must be relatively "stain-free" as a positive example for all citizens, especially for our youth which should not be confused by the opposite brought to them daily with help of each kind of info-material. The same ethical guidelines would be ideal for all of us, especially for those who are in leading positions. The quantity of the daily information stream of each kind of media is overwhelming and the contents of it often gives the impression that our relatively "Free Democratic Society System" maybe has to be called a hypocritically, undercover dictatory society system, ruled by negative forces which are degrading more or less all people to prisoners of their law of negativism by targeting innocent individuals, (they may dislike of whatever reasons), with help of defamation, distrust, corruption, betrayal, theft, prison, false evidence, hospital for mental health and murder. This disgusting kind of policy was, and still is practiced by questionable left-wing or right-wing (military/police) dictatorships in different countries of our world in past and present. Many of today's people are believing that our world is ruled by evil forces. I disagree and am sure, that each of us has positive & negative DNA poles to work with lightness & darkness, and it's up to each of us to support the positive forces by ignoring or fighting the negative ones. Do you know what the great German scientist Prof. Dr. Röntgen, the inventor of the x-rays, said shortly before his death, after he was the target of heavily unfair attacks & discriminations by his fellow colleagues and the press/media? He only said quietly: "Where there is a lot of light, there is a lot of shadow"! WE ALL HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE SHADOWS OF OUR GOD-GIVEN LIGHTNESS, BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT THE LIGHTNESS WILL VANISH TO BE DROWNED INTO THE DARKNESS. J.A.BRO ©
A very unlikely Easter story:

As a small kid I loved to care for smaller kids and felt the same for my "Turtle" celluloid baby doll, named by me "Elsbeth", which was washed and cremed daily by me and fresh, clean dressed (shown in my PR film " JABRO About JABRO" 1978-1984.) My small world of childhood was to this time still very much secure because our parents kept away from us things they thought may are causing unnecessarily, avoidable disturbances.
Subsequently we couldn't find any magazines at home, except one time when I discovered at the age of ca. 6 ½ years where I could read, on the cover of a magazine the large portrait of a molly, sweet, ca. 5 years old boy, waving with dignity his little hand to an imaginary crowd, a deeply serious impression on his round face and mentioned as the future king of an European Royal Throne in fat capital letters on the magazine cover. Despite only a bit older than the small boy I was impressed of him and told my Mum exited that he would look as like as a real little king. She took immediately away the magazine and said cool and emotionless: "He is only a little boy as like as everybody's boy" !Despite this clearly to understand message nevertheless I liked to collect all photos I could find about the European Royalties to cut them out and glued them in a school folder. The same I did with all baby-and toddler photos which were reachable for me. All my life I was reading a lot but as a kid I loved most each kind of adventure stories and the fairytales about emperors, kings, princes and princesses. (I'm still the opinion that "The People's Princess" which spent millions of dollars of her own money to help permanently others in need, was the best thinkable, positive, fresh and admirable PR for her country in a modern way by keeping the traditions of it alive which couldn't be done in a better manner. The extremely unfairly damaging of her reputation, maybe with the intention to cover the less positive behavior of less positive people, shortly before and after her tragically accident, seems to be just a bad PR with "boomerang effect" for the responsible guys of that damaging. The photo of a Queen, published weeks ago in some newspapers, who is killing a beautiful male Feasant by breaking his neck, a deadly business she isn't forced to perform at all but her staff only if desired, seems to be a not intended PR in the opposite way). So, since this happened, the only magazine we could find now to read was a women's magazine called "Voice Of The Woman", illustrating household-and kiddies stuff only. Our radio was unreachable for us kids on a shelf and we heard mainly classical music. At the age of six and seven years we kids got piano lessons over many years. My oldest sister could play the organ in a beautiful manner and she was playing voluntarily over many years at church. She was a fan of the composer Richard Wagner and we have had to hear his music nearly daily over the period of a couple of years. As teenagers we became more interested in each kind of other music but the classical which changed again by reaching maturity. TV certainly was forbidden and our mum became angry if I watched a couple of time TV at the home of friends without her knowledge and permission. Despite this overprotection and over-caring of my parents to keep our childhood as much as possible problem-free especially because of the life threatening, insecure and stressful beginning of it during WW2, one day I felt suddenly very much disturbed over a period of time, because of a ca. 35 cm brown, wooden cross at the wall of one of our play-and bedrooms with a figurine on it out of white, highly glossing porcelain, nailed on its hands and feet with real nails. This cross must have been on its place for ages, I saw it but didn't recognize it with my conscious mind beforehand. It just happened more and more often that I was staring at this cross and couldn't take away my eyes of it. To this time we were informed about the positive Bible stories only, the murder of Jesus Christ wasn't mentioned at all. So I couldn't understand the sense of this brutally seeming object, with the nearly naked, wounded man, nailed on his hands and feet bearing a piercing, pain-causing crown on his bent head.

It was April, still cold and snowy outside and we were forced to stay most of the play time at home. But, nevertheless, in the yard the first flowers of springtime were broken through the partly frozen, hard soil and sometimes a cold Winter sun has given the wet, dark grey, leafless trees, bushes, streets and houses golden, lively spots moving with the clouds being blown by the whistling wind.
I looked at his closed eyes again and again but feared to ask my parents or my siblings because of the sense of this crossed man, fearing to became the centre of their attention of laughter and/or "funny" jokes what happened sometimes if I have questioned things which seemed for the others not questionable but familiar and common. One day, I just took a chair under the cross and climbed on it to take the cross from the wall.
It needed a long time for me to pull out the nails with different things I used as a tool, because knives, scissors and any other kinds of tools weren't available for us as small kids. After being successful I took "The Poor Man" to my small doll bed which was framed on 4 sides with ca. 15 cm and 8 cm high wooden panels but felt distressed that his stiff, crossed arms were lying on the top of the bed frame, just avoiding that his body could sink comfortably into the soft bed, except his feet. Subsequently I filled the bed with warm cotton wool to the top of the bed frame and covered the cold and stiff body with cotton-wool too and a blanket. Now I felt much more better and could do undisturbed other things and forgot the figurine in my small doll bed. But strangely, the next day the cross was again on the wall and the figurine nailed on it. That was a shock for me and I couldn't imagine who did this but again wouldn't ask my parents or siblings for an explanation. So I repeated the procedure, climbed again on the chair, took the cross from the wall, removed the nails out of hands and feet what was this time much more easy to handle, laid the figurine in my small doll bed and covert it carefully to its head. But this time I was hiding the doll bed with its content in a shelf with a "flowering" curtain, standing at the wall between two windows.
Surprisingly, the next day I have had to recognize with upcoming anger, that the cross was again at the wall and my "Poor Man" which I have covered warmly in my doll bed, hidden behind the curtain in the shelf, was again nailed on the cross. That was just absolutely to much for me and I was running, with tears in my eyes, totally upset to my mum by demanding her to tell me who could have done such a bad thing again and again. My secure little world was seriously in danger! She asked me to calm down and said, that she would have done it because the figurine's place would not be in a doll bed but on a cross only. I loved my mum very much, but the first time in my life I felt that she has done the wrong thing in this case and felt illogically betrayed by her and very disappointed. To catalyze my frustrations towards her I painted immediately (at the age of ca 6 ½ years) the face of a screaming man with the mouth full of dangerous looking teeth and large, black, rolling eyes. The next day I recognized that somebody has drawn with blue pencil on that painting of mine an artistically good made face and body, clothed in a long shirt, of Jesus Christ with a heirloom around His head. My feelings were becoming very much opposite to each other, on one hand I felt very angry that somebody was disrespectful and cheeky enough to make uninvited an other drawing on MY painting of the screaming portrait, on the other hand I felt suddenly ashamed because of the expression of my frustrations symbolically but unconsciously documented as "The Screamer" on my painting, especially ashamed by looking at the strange drawing with its well-drawn face of calmed expression. Without asking my mum, I suddenly knew that she made her drawing of Jesus Christ near the face of my "Screamer" and with mixed feelings I made very slowly and thoughtful little parts out of our mutual "artwork" for the rubbish bin. The next day, the wooden cross with its white, nailed highly glossing porcelain figurine was disappeared forever and I forgot this story for many years. But shortly after its disappearance my mum told us, at Easter Sunday evening, about the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. This gruesome story: Of killing an innocent Human without any failures and sins who has helped others by raising them from physical and spiritual death again to life, by healing them from illnesses, by praying with them and by preaching gospels of wisdom to help them for managing of their disturbed lives, was a trauma throughout my childhood. Deeply touched I asked my mum who would have done such an incredible murder and she said: "The Jews, which are the, BY GOD, chosen people!" And she continued: "First His people were screaming "Hosanna, Praise The Lord" to honor him, then they were screaming "Cross Him, Cross Him" despite having got the chance by the Roman soldier "Pontius Pilatus" to choose for freedom between a proven murderer and between a proven Saint and Healer without any failures, called by them "The Messiahs", the bridge between Our Lord, Who Is His Father, and us sinners". I still remember the scene in the dimly-lit play-and bedroom with her back turned to corner and window and we kids in front of her on our small, hard wooden chairs standing around the small wooden "cat-table", which was loaded with our five, small lovingly filled Easter nests, like red & brown sugar rabbits, creme-sugar baskets and sugar trains, the beautifully colored and artistically painted, boiled eggs and little, nice gifts. Each basket has got its own label with the name of each of us siblings to avoid confusions at the search for them. My dad received too an Easter nest from mum each year with a beautiful lamb in a resting position, out of the finest biscuit-cake, sprinkled with delicious sugar powder and a toothpick with paper flag on his right shoulder. Also in his nest she placed painted, boiled eggs and nice little gifts like ties, or handkerchiefs or socks, etc. - he got a huge collection of it over the years! My early developed sense for justice and fairness wasn't satisfied at all and I asked "WHY MUM, WHY"? She told us that it would be bedtime now but continued with a silent sigh: "I know, it's hard to understand, but after the prophecy of the "Old Testament" Jesus Christ has had to die and to raise again, that our sins will be forgiven to be able to gain Eternal Life". She said this firmly in a manner that I did know any more questions will not any more accepted and answered by her at that Easter Sunday evening. Certainly I wasn't yet satisfied at all but I don't dare to ask any more and took the message like it was. But after all I suppose at this mument my spirit has opened to want to find out the genuine truth behind each upcoming event of my life and those of others. Shortly afterwards, after being unfairly hurt at school, I tried consciously the first time to understand why I have to be ME in my body and why I couldn't be my younger sister which never have had serious problems by being always everywhere accepted and/or loved by everybody.
Since her early childhood to present she kept it in this way, because she never questioned anything but took life as it is and always tried to make the best out of it without being prepared to be faced with any problems at all. In other words, she was always avoiding elegantly the waste of life and opposite to her, I was faced mainly with unpleasant things on my search for facts like they are, but like they should be. Today, after years of searching for The Only Genuine Truth of the sense of life and death and Eternal Life, please see my work-story about my Aboriginal "Totem-Toddler girl doll," I'm at a point where at last am only more interested in the pragmatic analysis of the (re)constructivism of the logically cause and effect of the still very young religion "Christianity" created by Jesus Christ, with help of the extraordinary example of the miracle of His Birth, Life, Death and Resurrection, 2000 years ago. The believing in a Higher Power than mankind's only, was born together with the awaking of the conscious mind of ancient creatures, living in caves, which are our all ancestors. That means, the religion itself is as old as the Homo Sapiens. In all its variants and differences, religions of past and presence have all one thing in common: "FEARING THE WORLDLY LIFE AND HOPING FOR A BETTER, ETERNAL, SPIRITUAL LIFE AFTERWARDS." (More in an other chapter.) At the age of 15 years I couldn't find help by Christian people when my father passed away, so I didn't attend anymore the subject Religion at high school. At the age of 24 years I left the church because of disagreeing with the policy of the church as an institution which is in some way contrary to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, please see my artwork "The Third Cry". But still I see my expressive, broad artwork as a special, subjective kind to worship God.
It isn't created only for representing itself but has the duty to mention facts & failures like they are. The unbearable hypocrisy found by some of the leading Christian people is frustrating and not helpful. Jesus Christ for Himself has mentioned in one of His Gospels 25 times the "Hypocrisy" as a sin because based on the untruth. After watching and believing in the leaders/founders of different TV ministries for many years I discovered at last only a powerful multi-million dollar business which is maybe mainly of value for their founders but maybe less for their believers in them. But by creating hope as the first step they are doing all a very good job, because HOPE is an important survival engine. The second step is to help each other to fulfill HOPE. It seems, that there is still a deep gap between "positive thinking" of Christian ideology and "positive acting" by practicing this ideology in everybody's daily life. I am still searching for the right religious community where women are not dumped to unpaid servants of the men churches & men society by telling them always how "guilty" they are in each way with the target, to force their cost free services and maybe to keep some women's genetic based masochistic character alive. Christian people have the duty to help each other! That was the basis of the Preaching of Jesus Christ! That can be done in organized work-groups where each kind of human need can be looked after like creating jobs, youth entertainment, etc., but 12 months of the year and not only once at Christmas. I offer cost-free the SPECIAL religious community and/or other persons/companies, which are welcoming me in each way, and which are helping me to get a home with licensed dog kennels, my own self created two gifts: 1. An own created, original sculpture, of Jesus Christ, together with kids and dog, worth several millions of dollars, in view of the marketing of copies of it in one, two and three dimensionality. 2. The copyright of this sculpture is the second gift. The molds of this sculpture for casting in bronze and other materials, has to be done by other professionals. The lucky receivers of this sculpture have the legal right to sell copies of it in the rest of the world. But always a big donation of the net proceeds of the sale of this sculpture must be transferred to children-and animal charities.
Family Background: 4.) My father was a doctor of medicine in a leading position on "The Front" at the 2nd biggest WW2 hospital for soldiers in my country of birth. After WW2 he was very popular, much loved by his patients and well respected by his colleagues in our area. He often treated his patients without asking for money if they couldn't afford to pay for health insurance.
Despite his colleague's common practices, he treated people as a whole person: Body, soul and spirit IN ONE. He was ahead of his time in different ways. My dad was born in East-Prussia at the end of the Nineteenth Century, and authoritatively raised by his father who was the headmaster of the biggest primary and secondary school in the capital city of this part of Germany at this time. He could read, write and count at a very early age, the same with my two sons which were only a bit older than he was.
My grandpa took him to school, half as old as the others, up to the point where he proudly produced "a puddle" in the classroom, invited by his older classmates to do so.
The laughter was everywhere at school and in the town - but not with my very strict grandpa- and my dad was afterwards allowed to stay at home, up to the common age, before attending school again. At the age of nearly 70 years he was still speaking 6 languages and has helped me sometimes with my homework for highschool in French & English. Anyway, my grandpa was his time 107 years ahead, today, kids now learn at preschools, aged 4 years or earlier, to read, write and count. I don't know anything about my dad's childhood, except this little story he was only prepared to tell us by smiling amusedly, but my mum told me once, that his father was ice cold and very hard in each way and his mum too soft but warmhearted and tender by suffering permanently under the dictatorially behavior of her husband. She has given me then a photo of my dad's parents where his father was shown handsome, tall, slim, blonde with water-blue, ice cold and motionless eyes. His mum was dark haired, had large, brown, kind eyes and a round, admirable face with a petite and molly body expression. She must have been the first and biggest love in the life of my dad. Dad wasn't interested at all in the business of politics and never active for it but a member of the party of National Socialists. His reluctance for being political active in any way was to his time very unusual and unlikely because especially the above mentioned part of Germany was throughout of centuries the cradle of its emperors and kings and despite or maybe because of inhuman seemingly, dictatorially iron rules of (self) disciplined law and order, which main contents was to see it as an honor and privilege to be born into this country, by being raised with the intention to become the devote servant and soldier of emperor and/or king with the duty, to defend the country of birth and to die for it and it's royalties. Still in the thirties and forties of the twentieth century most of the women in our country were proud to become the "breeding machines" of future soldiers and my mum has shown me 3 or 4 letters, which my parents got, sent by friends with the offer of good advice how they will get the "next time", so wordily, "a little soldier into the cradle". I was the third daughter of my parents and the cause of this letter with its questionable offer. Surprisingly, 16 years ago, when I pushed the pram with my healthy and strong youngster, to this time at the age of ca. 3 ½, I was stopped on the street by an upset, elderly woman which scolded me, so wordily: "What are you doing? You can't still push such a tall and strong boy in a pram! If you are spoiling him so much he will never become a good soldier for his country! Boys have to be raised hard or they will never become good "material" to work with!" I was totally speechless to be faced with the believed ghost of past's ideologies which seemed for me ages before taken over by modern science of psychology of child development in 1984, but in the between time I was faced several times with the fact, that this questionable ghost of the past in the same way is spooking around in other countries of this earth too. I don't want to excuse my responsible, health conscious behavior in this case but like to explain following in the hope, something will change to a better: To that time we lived near a capital city full with stinking car, ship and industry emissions, commonly known as a proven health risk for the population, especially for the most dependent and helpless of our society, the babies and toddlers. The car emissions with its dangerous gas and dust are found and measured especially on busy streets from the bottom up to a height of 50-60 cm. Toddlers which have to walk in middle of this health-threatening smoke are certainly more faced with serious health problems than toddlers and pre school kids which are having the luck to be transported quickly and without stress and less health problems in a pram which height is higher than the car emissions. The small, low and extremely uncomfortable, foldable prams are comfortable for their carriers only. Its a proven fact that kids, transported in this prams have a higher rate of spine-and back problems, included a higher risk of asthma, lung cancer and leukemia, the same with those having to walk through car emissions. (More in another chapter) Germany, included Prussia as a part of it to that time, must be seen like England (both countries have the same royal relatives and ancestors because of marriage/connections of both kingdoms throughout of centuries) as a country of traditions and kingdoms up to the WW1. The "Free Democratic Society System" of the modern, after WW2 newly created Federal Republic of Germany, is only 50 years young. Out of this view a judgment of history of this and other countries must be done in an exceptional, neutral and independent research of analytic science of psychology and DNA facts. Very interesting were the results of this kind of scientifically based research and statistics done by a well-known, American university some years ago, which proved the fact, that more or less all persons (which were acting as guinea pigs) behaved, as an example, in the same or similar manner on strictly given commands to hurt (actually, merely through a simulation, but unknown for the test person) somebody permanently with help of electric shocks, or a change of behavior/characters were given in a positive or negative way dependent how the test persons were faced with the related influences of negativism and/or positivism in different ways of human relationships to each other and/or their influencing surrounding of propagandistic Media material on different levels and subjects. The intention of this kind of psychological analysis and tests was, to find out, if the Holocaust of war cruelties and crimes would be related to one or two specific nations only, or are humans reacting all the same, or similar, by being faced with negative circumstances and situations.
The interesting research result was THEY DO and the Holocaust of the war crimes can happen in each other country too under the same or similar circumstances. IT'S AN EXPLANATION of science, based on tests and statistics which proves, that the differences of negativism between humans are less than their similarities of positivism - BUT NOT AN EXCUSE what happened in the past and still is happening at the present in different countries of our world. (More in an other chapter.) This depressing but scientifically based facts with their laws of relatively unchangeable logic of cause and reaction are worth to analyze the question WHY the Homo Sapiens is able to reach with help of its intellect in a relatively short time of its history an incredible but relatively high level of knowledge on all IQ related subjects of life but seems, in view of its emotional genetic structure, living in the caves of its beginning. The big gap between humans intellect and emotions seems still to deep to practice in daily life positively the ideology of Christianity which is based, shown impressively by CHRIST, on LOVE only. It must be possible one day to close positively this gap, without being faced by the horrible imagination of the future DNA programmed human-robot, produced and raised outside of the human body, with the intention to act only as a specialized, neutral part, in a big community of other specialized parts, reigned and ruled by a very small group of DNA selected and produced human robots with the highest, thinkable IQ similar to the structure and functions of bees- and ants communities. (More in another chapter.) My dad must have been deeply religious without being a "church-attendant", stated in the way he helped permanently others in need, but the experiences of his life he packed together in one sentence only: "Never count on others - but help yourself alone then GOD is helping you!" The contents of his life philosophy maybe is based on the fact of to many, very lonely moments in his life, the knowledge about humans nature in all its facets and colors and its subjectively seen sarcasm of the relative, logic result of cause and effect of his own life experiences. But I'm wondering, if he is right what sense has than each kind of religion for the human community if not practiced daily in a positive manner for the sake of all members of it? Religion maybe should not mean the lonely way of each human to try to find his/her own, subjectively chosen life philosophy to develop his/her spiritual grow on the search for Eternal Life but a lively, openly, positive exchange of differences caused by DNA's based, accidentally happened people's gifts and talents and their helping responsibility for each other. However, after the experiences of my own life am pretty sure that he is genuinely right but the bridges of self-betrayal are many of various kind and because of their nature much more comfortable than real facts are! Despite my own experiences I still prefer to keep my bridge of self-betrayal, called HOPE, alive towards better knowledge. Out of this view I'm still searching, by having not yet given up. My dad is my hero, including all the other female and male humanitarians of past and present which have devoted their life to helping other people in need like the gorgeous, unique painter from the Middle Ages "Albrecht Dürer" who has shown an absolutely rare civil courage & stand-up ability towards the questionable authorities of his time when his mum should be tortured to death and burnt alive because of baseless lies and discriminations of being "a witch"! By protecting his mum against the practiced holocaust of the church of his time, he knew, he was in deadly danger of being killed too as "a wizard" if protecting his mum! Despite these inhuman circumstances he succeeded and his mum was saved!! Dr. Martin Luther, the founder of the Lutheran-Protestant church because of his civil courage he has shown to stand up against deviation of the Christian Faith, corruption, hypocrisy and misuses of Human Rights by the church and authorities of his time. His Holiness, Pope John Paul II, with his most radiant and infectious smile who is THE highly intelligent, very wise & very broadly educated leader in positive Christianity and the living symbol for forgiveness & love because he, in an extraordinary manner is tirelessly working for peace on Earth by bringing extremely difficult and different people together in a very positive & genuine way in our very difficult time as the most loved man & humanitarian of it. Dr. Dr. Albert Schweitzer, the extraordinary, absolutely unique pastor with Ph.D. and Dr. of medicine, founder of hospital "Lambarene" in Africa's jungle, who invented "family-living-in" to support a faster recovering of his patients. Prof. Dr. Julius Hackethal, the highly, extraordinarily gifted, brave but lifetime lonely fighter for a more professional, ethical and humanitarian behavior of his colleagues "In White". Prof. Dr. Fred Hollow, the unique, never tired fighter and beautiful humanitarian who has given millions of people back their eyesight with help of the self-developed & supported cataract-eye-surgery and the great, extraordinary, selfless Mother Teresa, the exemplary, survival gifted, very intelligent, warm-hearted Catholic nun who has helped uncountable people in need in India's dangerous slums of Calcutta, only a few mentioned, as exceptional, beautiful humanitarians with their ethical understanding of their destination and profession: "To treat a patient and/or a human in need, like his/her best friend" (comment of Prof. Dr. Julius Hackethal). Still 25 years after my dad's passing away the patients of him were telling to my mum and me that he has saved many people's lives and that they miss him badly, because he was such a good human being. My mother was a beauty and very broadly gifted in many ways. She was an excellent nurse, idealistic like my dad and because of only having exceptional A's at her exam she got afterwards a leading position at a large section of the hospital she learned as a nurse student. I was told this by her best friends and nurse colleagues because my parents hardly ever talked about themselves. Both of them were very humble. In his younger years, my handsome dad, who loved women very much, was called a "wild daredevil" in each way, which turned around 180 degrees in a positive way after the marriage with my mum. She must have had unusual skills to handle difficult persons and difficult situations as well. My parents have given us the necessary security by being an excellent example of a married couple which have never had one bad word for each other in-front of us kids.
My dad has brought relatively regularly gifts for my mum such as flowers, little nice things, books, cookies and chocolate.
If we where cheeky or not obedient to our mum, he wanted us to apologize to her. He has always shown a 100% solidarity to her when it came to our up-bringing and education. A job she did mainly alone because our dad was as an extremely busy doctor of medicine mainly confined to his practise in our home and patient visits all over town and country. The distribution of my parents' duties was very clearly defined by them and we felt good with this regulation which has given us the security which we needed for our undisturbed physical and mental development.

When we were mature and married too, we were told by my mum that our parents have had problems too like other married couples. But they have never burdened us kids with their problems. Out of this view, I'm very grateful to my parents because our relatively hassle-free childhood after WW2 has given us the necessary strength for our own life afterwards. Out of my own experiences, I am strongly supporting "Pro-Familia" as a good working union of parents and kids which may help avoid many of the common youth problems such as drugs and suicide, which often happens after child abuse and after being raised outside of an intact family life.
Genuine statistics of youth problems in connections with family backgrounds will prove this. Certainly that doesn't mean at all that I am neglecting the fact that single parents are able to give their kids all the necessary love & security they do need for growing up in a positive manner. I proved that for myself in a successful way, over a period of 6 years, as a divorced mum of two. But the stress and frustrations, connected with this situation were sometimes too much and in review of my own childhood I prefer a democratic, intact, just a good family cooperation.